A New Purpose

I have a renewed sense of purpose today. I have been feeling really down the last few days. Actually, I have been somewhat sorrowful for the past few weeks, if not months, but it has been harder the last few days. I am not sure how to word this post because I'm afraid I'll sound selfish, and maybe I am, but it's what's been going on regardless.

I have been so sad because I keep hearing about and reading about other people who have experienced great tragedies in their lives. I can count SO many people who have lost a loved one in the past year. I don't remember a time in my life before now when I knew of so many. The ones I have learned about over the past few months have not been the "easy" kind, either (as if there were such a thing). You know what I mean, though... when someone has lived a long, full life, and then dies, it makes sense that it's their time to go. Most of the losses that I'm talking about are not those kind. They're the kind that leave behind young wives, young children, and/or parents. I have been grieving for these families, but I've also been frightened for myself (I told you I was afraid of sounding selfish). I started to think that God was using all of these horrible stories of loss to prepare me for something... maybe a loss of my own. That has been terrifying, and it scares me to say it out loud. I can't be sure that He isn't preparing me for something, but I got a different message this morning.

I went to check my email, and the very first message that popped up was titled, "Prayer Request." I have to admit, I didn't even want to open it. I was so afraid of reading another sad story. I said a quick prayer for the friend who sent it, and hesitated again before reluctantly clicking on it. When I read it, I was relieved that no one had died (and then I felt guilty for almost not opening it). The request was for a friend of a friend who has a newborn baby boy in the NICU. I prayed for the baby to be OK, and then opened a link to the mom's blog. That's when it happened. That's when He gave me my new sense of purpose. You see, this friend of a friend had posted information about her baby boy's condition (and by the way, I got an update just a little bit ago, and he has made great improvements today!), but she had also posted several scriptures and had just reposted an entry she had typed a year ago. That is the one that struck me. That is the one that God used to speak to me.

Blogs are wonderful things, I have decided. I think there should be a bumper sticker that says "God is in my blog!" or something like that. There are so many women out there speaking their hearts, and it is such an inspiration to read their stories. Anyway, I digress... The blog I was talking about had a post about having a heart of flesh, and not of stone. While reading her entry, I felt that God was saying, "Pay attention to this, Jenny. This is important. This is what I want for you." Here is the verse she quoted:

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:25-26

When I read this verse and the rest of her post, I felt God was telling me that it is good to hurt for others. That my heart of flesh is not meant to be pain-free. That I'm supposed to hurt when terrible things happen to other people. That it is part of my job as one of His children to hurt for and care for, and especially PRAY for others.

I have never been very good at praying for others. David told me that I shouldn't feel that way because it doesn't matter what you say, that God knows your heart. I know that, but I have never FELT like I was very good at praying for others. I would always say a prayer for people who sent me a prayer request, but then I would send the request on to someone else who I thought would do a better job of really praying for that person. I think God wants ME to do a better job of praying for others. Not that my prayers themselves weren't good enough before, but that He wants me to be more purposeful about it. He wants me to pay more attention to prayer requests and to look for opportunities to pray for others even when no specific request has been made. I really think God is calling me to be a "prayer warrior," which is something that I've never felt called to be before, but is something that I have always admired in others. And honestly, it is something that I have always felt inadequate to do. I know that He is strong in our weakness, though, so even though I know I am inadequate, I also know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, thank you to that friend who sent me the prayer request, and thank you to the friend of that friend for sharing your heart on your blog and allowing the Lord to speak through you.

Now, who's got a prayer request? I'm ready to put you on my list!